How do I prove I’m worth it? Because it seems like your words don’t match your actions. And I know you’re a neo in this dating life but I don’t want my heart waiting in traffic for a closed exit. I don’t see what they see in you. Part of me wants to listen to what they see, but when everyone said “he’s a great guy, go for him” in the past it didn’t work. So I want to take a chance. See, your past doesn’t bother me. Neither does your reputation.
The only thing that bothers me is that you don’t pursue. Maybe no one taught you that being my occasional pen pal via text messages wouldn’t make me yours. Or that flirting with me in public won’t make me feel as special as the other girls. Because I don’t want you for what you are, but who you are and who you have the potential to be. I want to do life with you so pardon me if my expectations require more of you.
And some may say my standards are too high. Or that I’m looking for marriage before the relationship. But that’s not it. I just know I get too invested, and sometimes without a return. So I would rather be your friend and not your convenience buddy until you’re ready to settle down senior year.
“Harden their hearts of these people. Plug their ears and shut their eyes. That way, they will not see with their eyes, nor hear with their ears, nor understand with their hearts and turn to me for healing”
“God I really, really, really want this. I know you’ll come through in the clutch with this. I’m qualified and 2016 is my year. Why wouldn’t I get accepted? I have this, this, this, etc” This is what my prayers looked like three weeks ago. I asked God over and over and over again. But what happens when God doesn’t come in clutch the way you want Him to? What happens when the very thing you thought you really wanted doesn’t come true? Or when you see what you prayed for coming into fruition for other people? What happens when you’re forced to be honest and say you were only really praying as hard as you were because you wanted that thing more than you wanted God?
Last night I came across this Scripture through a devotional I read all the time (click me!) and God gave me so much revelation. For years my prayers were for things. Even if I said I really wanted God and to see His face and go further into worship, I wanted it for selfish reasons. I prayed hard because I wanted God to bless me like crazy. And I thought my seeking Him would give me the outcome I wanted. And for some time it “worked”. But then it didn’t work so much lol. God wanted to mature me and He started with my desires.
Sometimes I think we use scripture “Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4) to our own intent. Why are you taking delight in the Lord? Do you just want a man and you think that by praying every night God will put him in your life? (Because foreal foreal, how are you going to seek God for the man you’re praying for and you only know the God for His blessings and not His heart or the true intent of His Word?). Or because you want that job, that opportunity, that acceptance letter? But it’s time out for us seeking God for things. He’s SOOOO much bigger than the blessings we receive.
And to do that He shuts us off from the things we want or the things we enjoy. Things stop flowing like they used to.. Not because God doesn’t enjoy seeing you happy, but He wants you to stop going through the motions of saying you love Him and treating Him like your personal genie. Take time out of your day just to sit and talk to Him. Not rant. But to tell Him you love Him. To dive into a devotional with your phone on the other side of the room. To dissect His Word, not for any return other than a stronger relationship with Him. Jesus was way too selfless for us to be selfish.
I love you and so does He,
Cherise Nicole ❤
Chivalry became Netflix and Chill. Dates became house calls. And commitment became sex partners. We don’t want titles so we became complacent in living together or being friends with benefits. You loved me because I was convenient. I was there when you needed encouragement and help, but I couldn’t give you sex so your options needed to widen. I wanted intentionality, but you mistook lust for freedom. You knew I wasn’t for games so you treated me like your favorite pair of Jordan’s. You put me on the shelf waiting for an event good enough to take me out for.
Your idea of foundation was quick sand, but I wanted concrete. I didn’t want to fall in, I wanted to walk on solid ground. But Christ wasn’t the solid ground you stood on, so what did I expect? You couldn’t give me the agape love I needed because you didn’t know it yourself. You could only give me the brokenness you saw from toxic relationships, empty promises, and trust issues. I was trying to play savior instead of pointing you to mine.
But where do I go from here? Do I settle because I feel like you’re the best I’ll get or do I keep striving for that Whitley and Dwayne type of love? A love that transcends boundaries. A love that gets easier by the day because we started walking together instead falling and trying to pick up shattered pieces. A love like Dr. RA Vernon and Lady Victory. I want us to support the other in everything, even in those things that challenge my thinking and go against the grain. I want that love that makes my soul laugh. A love that doesn’t feel like fun, but is fun. A love that makes my skin glow and inspires others.
Months ago I would have apologized for wanting that love. But I can’t apologize because I want a love in which the journey is longer than your orgasm. So I’ll wait.
– Cherise Nicole
There are tons of memes on Instagram and Twitter about what happens when you tell a spoiled girl ‘no’. The memes portray her as throwing hissy fits, pouting, and having an attitude until she gets what she wants. But it’s not just spoiled girls who do it. In reality, none of us want to be told ‘no’. None of us want to face rejection or denial. We want what we feel we ”deserve”. Because what we want equates to our success. It defines how we feel about ourselves. What we want defines what others will think about us. Isn’t it crazy how one ‘no’ can change the course of our life as we know it?
I’ll be honest and say I don’t take ‘no’s too well. I like the feeling that “yes” gives me. I like feeling as if I’m in control, and I have things under control. But I don’t. I’m starting to realize that ‘no’ doesn’t mean the end. It doesn’t mean I wont ever get my dream internship. It doesn’t mean that I’ll never have the man of my dreams. It doesn’t mean that I won’t ever get that scholarship. Instead, no means new. New opportunity for a new mindset. A new opportunity to apply for other things. A new opportunity to redirect your focus. And please don’t think that no experience means you’ll never get the opportunity to get experience. Don’t believe the hype that you are behind. You are EXACTLY where you’re supposed to be.
Instead of focusing on all the ‘no’s’ in your life, start focusing on what you K’NO’W. K’NO’W that God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above all that you could ever ask or think. K’NO’W that He won’t ever leave or forsake you. And K’NO’W that He won’t forsake His plans or purpose for your life. K’NO’W that God can do anything and everything but fail. K’NO’W that it is all working for your good (even the things we don’t see as good). Lastly, K’NO’W that God loves you more than you can even imagine in your wildest dreams.
I love you,
If there is anything I learned in college outside of the classroom, it’s been to cherish who I really am. So many broken people walk around on college campuses longing for the weekend because they can’t stand who they are during the week. So many broken people longing to get in clubs or organizations or majors in hopes that it will begin to define who they are supposed to be. So fearful that who they are is who they are supposed to be. So fearful that if they took off the mask the crowd their with won’t accept them anymore. Because it’s cool that they can help them, comfort them, drink with them, sleep with them, and send beautiful good morning messages – but it’s not “cool” to give up the pieces of yourself that leave you vulnerable.
Over the past few days I really had to reflect on what it means to be vulnerable. Can I suggest that your vulnerability is your truth? It’s the part of you that can’t be masked. It’s the part of you that you don’t want to share because you equate it to you getting hurt. So you enjoy giving the easy parts of yourself. Your small talk. Your “fun” side. Your giving side. You would rather immerse yourself in doing things that keep you busy, than unpacking the things that hold you hostage. You get offended when people talk about it so you just block them out. You would rather be comfortable in your fears, than letting God give you the grace to diminish them. But by doing so you attract people who either a) don’t really want you, but that don’t question you or b) people that don’t care about your purpose, they just enjoy the present of your presence in their life.
But how do you unpack? GOD. There isn’t some algorithm I can give you that will immediately work it all out. He’s the only One who can unpack you. He’ll give you the grace to do it, but you have to accept. It took me a while to unpack my hurt. I still have a few suitcases left. But, if I continued on the path I was on, I would have continued to toxify every relationship I was in. I would have continued to be insincere in the way I interacted with people that were close to me. I would have continued to hurt myself more than others because I wasn’t being who God called me to be. I was living a life that felt safe, but I needed to get out of my comfort zone to see how uncomfortable I truly was before. I’m not saying give your heart to anybody, I’m saying give it to God and He’ll ordain your steps so the right people (or person) will have it.
I love you and so does He,
Most of you have heard it before that most relationships end because of lack of communication. So most of us decided that we would call or FaceTime our significant other 24/7 because we thought that would make us stay together. We thought gifts and cute dates would be the key to longevity because that’s what we saw. We believed that long paragraphs in our text messages would ensure success, because after all, we can screenshot what they say for permanence. And while all these things are lovely, they are nothing without foundation. “A house without a foundation will roll away when the rain comes”.
So many times I’ve said that the people in my past relationships or situationships were my friends. But they weren’t. Don’t confuse spending consistent time with someone as being their friend. I thought because we hung out and talked on the phone that that would qualify them as my friend. But instead, they were just people I was dating. I didn’t have the foundation built on having quality conversation that’s deeper than likes and dislikes. Quality conversation is built through sharing experiences that grow deeper than surface level. If you all don’t have good conversation what do you really have?
Too many people are replacing text messages and sex with conversation. You know how to ride but you don’t know how to ride the waves of the trials of a relationship. You’re quick to throw in the towel, but you wouldn’t do that with your friend. Why? Because you would be dually invested. You want the best for them so there are times where you place their needs ahead of your desires. When you’re in a relationship with your best friend you don’t have to worry about who is calling his phone, what he’s doing when you’re not around, and who he’s flirting with. Instead your trust is deeper than a title, it’s established early on. So you have no problem letting him lead. You’re not stressed when he’s out with his friends calling him every hour.
So the next time you’re debating on pursuing a relationship with someone.. Ask yourself, are they really my friend first? Although it’s a learning process in long distance relationships friendship is essential. Because you don’t have in person date nights, you have phone/FaceTime calls, trust, and creativity.
As always, I love you and so does He.
You walk into a car dealership not really knowing what you want. After about an hour of searching a car finally pops out at you. You test drive it, play with the features a little bit, and decide that it fits your current lifestyle. You don’t do a lot of long distance driving and you prefer cars with low maintenance. You decide to lease it because you may want something different or be in a different phase of life down the road. Let’s fast forward 3 years once your lease is up. You have the option of getting a new car or renewing the lease you have. You like the car because the seats are comfy and the sound system is great (plus it has the AUX cord). But you constantly have to take it to the shop, it doesn’t ride as smooth, and it’s horrible on gas.Unfortunately, this sounds like a lot of our lives (yes I did a car metaphorJ). Are there areas of your life where the lease is up? You’ve been holding on to friendships, relationships, and situations for far too long – but letting go seems harder than holding on. Your excuse is “but we’ve been friends for years, we have so many memories, she’s just going through a lot that’s why she treats me like that” or “he’s a really good guy he just isn’t ready for a relationship right now”. The reality is if you’ve been talking for a year and he doesn’t have a plan for the two of you, he’s probably weighing his options while he’s already made his decision. Real men don’t play games baby girl. And just because you’ve been friends with people for years doesn’t mean they’re equipped to go into the next season with you. We love putting seasonal people in lifetime positions.
We pray and pray for God to reveal the people that need to be removed from our lives but we CHOOSE to ignore the signs He sends us. God knows what He’s doing. He knows that if you’re still connected to them, you won’t thrive like He envisions, and truthfully – you do too. So let it go. It’s not that they aren’t good people, they just aren’t good for you. Don’t be so uncertain of what’s to come that you refuse to let what’s not working, go. Will it be challenging? Of course. But I would much rather have the car that’s right for me, than ride around in one that isn’t beneficial and isn’t going in the right direction.
I love you and so does He,