Are You Settling?

Before I start this blog, I would like to share an assignment our youth pastor gave to us last night in CTW… Pull out a piece of paper and pen. On one half of the paper write the things that you will not tolerate in a relationship. On the other half write down the standards and beliefs that you have and won’t compromise in a relationship. As well as what you want in a relationship. Once you complete that exercise, carry it with you. It will serve as a reminder to you when you meet someone for example who is handsome/pretty as they want to be, but they have a TERRIBLE attitude, and that’s one of the things you won’t tolerate.. Why try to get with them?

Please, please, pretty please don’t put things you aren’t willing to do yourself on that list. You want him to be faithful but you still want to talk to all of your “friends” too? (I’ve had my share of faithful and loyalty within myself so I’m only speaking from experience). You get mad because you want her to answer every time you call her phone, but when you’re just sitting around chilling and don’t feel like answering, it’s cool right? You want him to stop smoking, but you’re hitting it with him and rolling his blunts? (Ladies, you can be his “ride or die” girl without doing things you don’t believe in)..

We can probably all recall a time when we compromised ourselves for someone else, in friendship or relationship. We did something we had no business doing and we wouldn’t think twice about if we weren’t so caught up in who they were and their “swagger and togetherness”as my sister Tiana would say. Don’t EVER compromise your beliefs, morals, and values for the happiness or satisfaction of someone else. Your beliefs, morals, and values make up who YOU are, so when you compromise that for somebody else you’re leaving yourself OPEN for them to take that and whatever else they want.. It’s like going into a store for an hour, leaving your keys in the ignition, full tank of gas, Audi A6, with the door open. You left your possession in the hands of someone else.

Because in my relationship my boyfriend was extremely patient with me and my process, and I wish I would’ve done a better job with my patience during his.. I have to encourage you to do the same. I went thru a process during our relationship that nobody but Jesus could help me with. I couldn’t depend on my friends, family, or him to help me with it. I couldn’t even articulate it to them. Sometimes you will find someone who you care about alot but they too are going thru a process, you see their potential and the promise God has over their life, but right now they are pushing you away slowly because you can’t fix it for them like you want to. Stop and ask yourself, am I compromising my standards and my beliefs for this person or am I waiting to see what God has promised me be manifested thru them? I can’t officially tell you whether or not you are settling in your friendships or relationship.. But I pray you seek to find out. You are priceless, so don’t let other people try to devalue you. I love you and God does too!

I encourage you today to journal frequently, when you look back over previous entries you will be amazed as your growth!


Cherise 🙂


Where Do You Put Your Value?

Ever felt like you were in something all alone because the people around you thought you were fine by your appearance and attitude? They looked at you and saw you smiling, hair done, nails done, cute outfit, and maybe sporting a little cutie pie on your arm.. but you felt absolutely horrible. You were depressed, broken-hearted, mistrusting, saved, but you settled because you didn’t feel like you were good enough for anyone..

That was me a few months ago. I was in an internal battle within myself that I told no one about. I knew I was beautiful, I just didn’t always believe it. I knew I was intelligent, I just tried not to show it so others wouldn’t feel threatened or intimidated by me like usual. I knew I had the anointing and favor of God over my life, but I tried to cover it up so I wouldn’t feel so uncomfortable around my former friends. God showed me “the rib” from which I came, but I turned away from him because I felt like I was a horrible person and he didn’t deserve such treatment.

I looked happy all the time, jumping, singing, laughing etc. I wasn’t always down, but I just wasn’t myself. I was sinking into a pit that I could not get out of. My mentees looked up to me, but I looked down at myself. I was overly-critical because I compared myself to everybody else. But then a prophetic Word from my awesome youth pastor came. I could feel the draining situations, the self-consciousness, the slight depression loose itself from me. For those of you who doubt God, He’s real. Because I tried everything else to get my happiness back.. Friends, guys, dancing, singing, etc. But none of it came, until I allowed myself to be open enough to God.

Alot of this, came from the value I accepted from other people. I allowed myself to slip back into the “pre-saved Cherise”. The Cherise that took the summary of what everyone else told her she was and put it into adjectives I didn’t believe nor internalize. I allowed myselfmake excuses for things I knew I could do, I just didn’t want to hurt feelings and be accused of thinking I was better than everybody else (and IM NOT). I even pushed the very people who I knew without a doubt had my back to the side for people who just loved what I could do for them and the person I pretended to be.

If you’re doing what I did. STOP NOW! Your value is not inside of any young man, friend, family member, or passion. Your value comes from God, and He says you’re priceless. So why keep selling the ‘you’ you want everybody to see, to those who cannot match HIS PRICE. You let boys cop feels for a cheap thrill, but they didn’t pay HIS PRICE for you. He died for you, they didn’t and wouldn’t think twice about it, yet you’re willing to give them everything Christ promised you. You would rather invest time in a relationship with someone who can buy you a LV bag and a pair of Meks, but he doesn’t stay True to the relationship he claims to have with God when you ask him to come to church with you; than guard your heart with someone who you know loves, respects, and treasures you and the pearl God has given you because they too understand their worth. Your lonliness does not give you permission to settle. I know the feeling, because I’ve been there.

Today, I encourage you to guard your heart, mind, and soul. Decide with the end in mind. 🙂


Cherise :*