Ever felt like you were in something all alone because the people around you thought you were fine by your appearance and attitude? They looked at you and saw you smiling, hair done, nails done, cute outfit, and maybe sporting a little cutie pie on your arm.. but you felt absolutely horrible. You were depressed, broken-hearted, mistrusting, saved, but you settled because you didn’t feel like you were good enough for anyone..
That was me a few months ago. I was in an internal battle within myself that I told no one about. I knew I was beautiful, I just didn’t always believe it. I knew I was intelligent, I just tried not to show it so others wouldn’t feel threatened or intimidated by me like usual. I knew I had the anointing and favor of God over my life, but I tried to cover it up so I wouldn’t feel so uncomfortable around my former friends. God showed me “the rib” from which I came, but I turned away from him because I felt like I was a horrible person and he didn’t deserve such treatment.
I looked happy all the time, jumping, singing, laughing etc. I wasn’t always down, but I just wasn’t myself. I was sinking into a pit that I could not get out of. My mentees looked up to me, but I looked down at myself. I was overly-critical because I compared myself to everybody else. But then a prophetic Word from my awesome youth pastor came. I could feel the draining situations, the self-consciousness, the slight depression loose itself from me. For those of you who doubt God, He’s real. Because I tried everything else to get my happiness back.. Friends, guys, dancing, singing, etc. But none of it came, until I allowed myself to be open enough to God.
Alot of this, came from the value I accepted from other people. I allowed myself to slip back into the “pre-saved Cherise”. The Cherise that took the summary of what everyone else told her she was and put it into adjectives I didn’t believe nor internalize. I allowed myselfmake excuses for things I knew I could do, I just didn’t want to hurt feelings and be accused of thinking I was better than everybody else (and IM NOT). I even pushed the very people who I knew without a doubt had my back to the side for people who just loved what I could do for them and the person I pretended to be.
If you’re doing what I did. STOP NOW! Your value is not inside of any young man, friend, family member, or passion. Your value comes from God, and He says you’re priceless. So why keep selling the ‘you’ you want everybody to see, to those who cannot match HIS PRICE. You let boys cop feels for a cheap thrill, but they didn’t pay HIS PRICE for you. He died for you, they didn’t and wouldn’t think twice about it, yet you’re willing to give them everything Christ promised you. You would rather invest time in a relationship with someone who can buy you a LV bag and a pair of Meks, but he doesn’t stay True to the relationship he claims to have with God when you ask him to come to church with you; than guard your heart with someone who you know loves, respects, and treasures you and the pearl God has given you because they too understand their worth. Your lonliness does not give you permission to settle. I know the feeling, because I’ve been there.
Today, I encourage you to guard your heart, mind, and soul. Decide with the end in mind. 🙂