Before I begin… I know some of you may be thinking… “Ol’ girl is in a relationship though. She isn’t lonely, bitter, nor is she lacking in that area.” But that was not always the case. For almost two years I was talking to someone different every 2 weeks. I wasn’t sleeping with them, but I was emotionally attached. My heart wanted to help them, but I could even help myself. I ran to these young men because I didn’t feel I was good enough for anybody up to the standards I established. I ran away from someone who surpassed my standards because in my mind i felt my being in love with him would not make up for my flaws, my stronghold, my baggage, my pain, the real me.
So many young ladies go through this same process of accepting less because “there aren’t any real guys out here”. Problem 1: Just because you’ve been hurt before does NOT mean every guy after him will hurt you. One of your ex’s cheated on you, broke your heart, and all that… But since when did he become the face of male sex? No I’m not advocating for his actions nor am I dismissing your feelings; but at some point you have to separate him from every guy you meet & more importantly who God has for you. Remember you’re worth MORE. You’re priceless and worth more than rubies so don’t settle for a guy doesn’t meet your requirements & treat you as such. So WAIT.
We have to do better. Often times in relationships (especially young ladies) play the blame game and act as though we’re faultless. Truth is, we’re not. Problem 2: Baby girl, you can’t say you trust him and you’re still going through his phone when he gets up. You can’t say you trust him when you’re questioning him about every female he decides to s/o on Instagram because his caption says “she’s cute af (a phrase I strongly dislike)”. You also don’t need to listen to everything your girl says she heard about him either. Yes, there are sometimes red flags that we need to see but make that decision on your own… Don’t sit there and take what people say and just go on a full force investigation. And most importantly, don’t try to cheat your way out of a relationship b/c he has issues (PSA: you do too) or because you want “more”… Does he know that or are you depriving him of the privilege of living up to them?
Thursday is Valentine’s Day! And yes there will be tons of Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook posts that may make you sit there and feel that you need someone. DON’T. Your focus should not be solely on having a partner for Valentine’s Day. Then best things in life come unexpected. And most importantly, they find you (for my ladies). Don’t sit there are be sad on Thursday b/c you don’t have anyone to take you to dinner or cuddle with.. Tell your girls y’all are going out by yourselves or you can most certainly take yourself out. The sooner your get to know the REAL you, accept yourself, and be comfortable being yourself the better you’ll be. With or without a companion.
I strongly encourage you to WAIT! Don’t try to rush things or get into relationships w/ “pop ups” and past romances as an attempt to resolve loneliness or fill a void. You’re worth more.
Love you! Xoxo,