She’s A Lady

Some of you may not enjoy this post so much. Why? Because I’m about to be brutally honest. Not because I want anyone to feel any kind of way, but because I want you to be your best self. I want you to understand why you have to be careful what you indulge in and why. I want who you envision yourself being in 10 years to be who you become now. So here we go..

You never got the chance to fully get to know yourself because everyone around you told you so many conflicting views of who you should be. You were told you were pretty, but you weren’t told to close your legs. You were told you were had a coca-cola frame, but you weren’t told that public puffs of blunts may make guys dm you but not treat you as their Queen. You saw too much too soon so you tried to act like you were 21 at 16. You confuse feelings of independence with rebelling against the morals you never got the chance to have. You keep damaging your reputation because you don’t know how to “hold your liquor”. But in real life, you don’t know how to hold your ladyhood.

The guys you mess with are temporary. And unfortunately, they are just “messing” with you. They talk to you, but they avoid talking about relationship and commitment with you. Because you’re good enough to smash, but you have yet to tap into your ladyhood, so you’re just another B**** to them. You wonder why you’re constantly fighting for his attention, because you’re smart but you don’t even show him that side. You dress like everyone else. You’re language doesn’t show anything different that any other girl. But you know you were born different.

You deserve to turn heads when you walk in. Those heads won’t just turn because you’re beautiful but for the aura and invisible crown upon your head. Heads will turn because you’re so confident in who you are that you don’t need anyone but God to affirm you. I only write these things because turning up the bottle won’t make you a Queen just as going to church won’t make you believe. But I want you to become the Lady God created you to be. You want to have an influence, so start now. You want to be called elegant, classy, and different. Yeah there will be people who will remind you of your past, ignore them. There will be tons of temptation to do what you used to, try to stay out of those situations. You owe it to yourself. You owe it to the lady in you waiting to be brought out. I’m not asking you to start in 2015, I’m asking you to start today.

“You’re a girl by birth. A woman by maturity and a Lady by choice…Watching her commanded an Oscar – she was a full-length motion picture…Did her mere presence not influence a nation?” – Enitan Bereola II, Gentlewoman

I love you Lady,

Cherise

Singleness Isn’t Solitude

One of the worst fears to mankind is loneliness. We are so scared to be alone, even if for a short period of time. As little girls we were given baby dolls to take care of, kitchen sets, barbie dolls with a complimentary Ken (note that word complimentary, I’ll get to that later), we play house before we can spell it. We learn how to take care of a husband and children before many of us learn how to write in cursive. Is this a bad thing? Absolutely not. But it becomes a bad thing when we focus so much of our attention on being in a relationship that we don’t know what to do with ourselves during our single seasons.

I see so many posts on Instagram with a cute couple laid up or kissing or whatever it may be with of course a caption of “relationship goals” or “I need a boyfriend/girlfriend” or “I need a male best friend” etc. But are you really ready for a relationship? I found out not too long ago, I was not. I enjoy the talking phase for a week or two, but then my interest can dwindle. I’m in a selfish stage. I love having time to myself. Whether it’s watching a movie or studying without worrying about he isn’t answering the phone or having arguments about what ol’ boy put under one of my posts of IG. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to be in a relationship, but I’m trusting God’s timing. So instead of me focusing all of my energy on making the first boy I see in chapel on Sunday my future husband – I’m working on myself.

So I figured out how to keep myself focused and I hope for anyone who’s reading this helps:

1) Spend quality time with God. I find so much peace when I spend QT with Him. I won’t  give you a minimum amount, just spend as much time as you need. And do it consistently. He wants to talk to you. Yes God knows your heart, but in order to make sound decisions you need to know His. You will need Him more than ever during this time. You’ll start seeing that you will desire His wisdom and His love more than ever.

2) Ask God to start revealing your purpose. A lot of times we put our purpose and our dreams on the back burner because we get too involved in trying to make our partner’s come to life (don’t get me wrong sacrifice is important, but consult God before you put His work down). When you walk in your purpose, the desire to have a man or get married will still be present, but won’t have as much time as you used to think about it.

3) Go out with friends! Am I saying go get drunk at the club, get a hookah pen, and hit the blunt a few times while doing so? Absolutely not. Go have good, clean food with them or yourself. Treat yourself to a movie. Go ice skating and to dinner with friends. Especially with your single friends – you can all be an encouragement to each other.

4) Don’t Play the Comparison Game. Most of the discontentment singles have comes from seeing other couples happy and wondering when their time will come. So instead of being happy for that couple, we get a little low-key jealous. Then we get in our feelings. Then we post things on social media like “I’m going MIA”, “If I had a man like this…”. “I need a bae” etc. Stop comparing your level 5 to their level 20. I’m sure they had single moments too. So observe them if you want, don’t get obsessed, and continue to go hard for you.

5) Understand that Lonely Moments are Tests. Trust me I have lonely nights. I have days where I would love to be cuddled up, going on dates, having someone to talk to. But I have to stop and check my feelings. If I acted on every lonely moment I had, who knows what my body count, hook up count, etc would be. I would probably wake up regretting even contacting them because I knew when I hit send that they weren’t good for me. I know that God has someone in store for me, but for right now I just need to chill and focus on fulfilling my purpose.

Know that God is beyond faithful and if He wants you to be in a relationship, He’ll make it so. But He wants you to be ready before He places you in it. So start focusing on You and Him and watch the amazing things He’ll do.

I love you,

Cherise 🙂

Everybody Won’t Be “The One”

This blog is a little harder for me to write because it is something I’ve struggled with for the longest. For those who know me, you know one of my favorite words is standards. Probably because the one of best pieces of advice I’ve ever received was “have standards and stick to them”. But what happens when you meet that guy or that girl who meets seemingly all of your standards from making you laugh to loving Jesus to being super respectful of your morals and values. You’ve been telling everybody and their mom that he or she is “the one”. You’re so excited you’ve been making wedding plans. You already know your bridesmaids, your colors, and the season in which it will occur. Of course you had this all figured out within a month’s timespan (because of course you’ve only known him for a month).

But what happens when something happens? When “the one” starts showing his true colors and you’re in disbelief. It’s like “I’ve known him for three weeks and he just seemed so sweet and like he could never be arrogant or disrespectful” or “I mean he said he went to church so I just assumed he read the Bible, spoke in tongues, and knows how to shout too” lol (that made me laugh). But really. Often times we get so caught up in being infatuated with having someone that we forget to really get to know that someone. We get so excited with having someone to share how our day went, future plans, new excitements, and even our struggles that we fail to divulge into their character. We start planning before preparing.

One of blogs was titled “This Is Just a Taste”. And I spoke about the idea that somethings (and people too) are only a taste of what is to come. Some people are simply to prepare you for greater. If we apply this to education.. Though high school is often annoying and the work seems pointless it is truly a preparation for college. Without a high school diploma or GED you cannot attend a college or university. See the process? So lets think about that process in terms of relationships. If you would have never gone through that relationship you wouldn’t know the things you do know. You learned things about yourself, what you want, what you don’t know, you made mistakes, you had good times, and you learned that that person is not the “one”.

With all of that being said, one thing I’ve learned over the past few days is to enjoy the time you have with the person who could either be the “one” or the person who could be leading you to that person. I far too often have let amazing people slip away because I thought because “they won’t be my husband so I don’t have time” when in fact they would have made great friends. Don’t be so quick to cut him off (snip snip lol) if he’s not everything he could be yet, but he’s working. Even if he isn’t the one, he could teach you something ;).

I love you beautiful,

Cherise 🙂