Singleness Isn’t Solitude

One of the worst fears to mankind is loneliness. We are so scared to be alone, even if for a short period of time. As little girls we were given baby dolls to take care of, kitchen sets, barbie dolls with a complimentary Ken (note that word complimentary, I’ll get to that later), we play house before we can spell it. We learn how to take care of a husband and children before many of us learn how to write in cursive. Is this a bad thing? Absolutely not. But it becomes a bad thing when we focus so much of our attention on being in a relationship that we don’t know what to do with ourselves during our single seasons.

I see so many posts on Instagram with a cute couple laid up or kissing or whatever it may be with of course a caption of “relationship goals” or “I need a boyfriend/girlfriend” or “I need a male best friend” etc. But are you really ready for a relationship? I found out not too long ago, I was not. I enjoy the talking phase for a week or two, but then my interest can dwindle. I’m in a selfish stage. I love having time to myself. Whether it’s watching a movie or studying without worrying about he isn’t answering the phone or having arguments about what ol’ boy put under one of my posts of IG. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to be in a relationship, but I’m trusting God’s timing. So instead of me focusing all of my energy on making the first boy I see in chapel on Sunday my future husband – I’m working on myself.

So I figured out how to keep myself focused and I hope for anyone who’s reading this helps:

1) Spend quality time with God. I find so much peace when I spend QT with Him. I won’t  give you a minimum amount, just spend as much time as you need. And do it consistently. He wants to talk to you. Yes God knows your heart, but in order to make sound decisions you need to know His. You will need Him more than ever during this time. You’ll start seeing that you will desire His wisdom and His love more than ever.

2) Ask God to start revealing your purpose. A lot of times we put our purpose and our dreams on the back burner because we get too involved in trying to make our partner’s come to life (don’t get me wrong sacrifice is important, but consult God before you put His work down). When you walk in your purpose, the desire to have a man or get married will still be present, but won’t have as much time as you used to think about it.

3) Go out with friends! Am I saying go get drunk at the club, get a hookah pen, and hit the blunt a few times while doing so? Absolutely not. Go have good, clean food with them or yourself. Treat yourself to a movie. Go ice skating and to dinner with friends. Especially with your single friends – you can all be an encouragement to each other.

4) Don’t Play the Comparison Game. Most of the discontentment singles have comes from seeing other couples happy and wondering when their time will come. So instead of being happy for that couple, we get a little low-key jealous. Then we get in our feelings. Then we post things on social media like “I’m going MIA”, “If I had a man like this…”. “I need a bae” etc. Stop comparing your level 5 to their level 20. I’m sure they had single moments too. So observe them if you want, don’t get obsessed, and continue to go hard for you.

5) Understand that Lonely Moments are Tests. Trust me I have lonely nights. I have days where I would love to be cuddled up, going on dates, having someone to talk to. But I have to stop and check my feelings. If I acted on every lonely moment I had, who knows what my body count, hook up count, etc would be. I would probably wake up regretting even contacting them because I knew when I hit send that they weren’t good for me. I know that God has someone in store for me, but for right now I just need to chill and focus on fulfilling my purpose.

Know that God is beyond faithful and if He wants you to be in a relationship, He’ll make it so. But He wants you to be ready before He places you in it. So start focusing on You and Him and watch the amazing things He’ll do.

I love you,

Cherise 🙂

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