Have you ever had a moment where you felt like everything you worked towards just went South? Like you worked your butt off but the results didn’t match your efforts? But instead of running to God you ran to people. You ran to partying or drinking or smoking or sex because they provided the instant comfort you felt you needed. But that comfort was only temporary so you found yourself back in the same place you were before. So you keep doing it. Not because you want to, but because you just need a break. You’re tired, you’re stressed, overwhelmed, and feeling defeated. And those moments of “happiness” make you feel “better”.
But after you’re done, you feel mega convicted. You feel God tugging at your heart, but you feel so guilty… Like he can’t fix you right now. It’s kind of similar to when we as little kids ran away from home when we got in trouble. We would pack our miniature suitcases or backpacks to runaway from home. We had no clue where we were going but instead of running to the source of the person who though a little disappointed would always have our back; we ran to everything and everybody else. I’ll be honest. Second semester has been more than rough. Too many sleepless nights, too many tears, and not enough crying out to God. Instead of running TO Him, I ran FROM Him. I tried to pray, but it was like the words weren’t even in my vocab. I got tired of going to church arriving and leaving empty – so I took a week off. I couldn’t seem to focus on the Word so I stopped reading. I felt like I wasn’t ready to talk to Him yet. But what did all these things leave me with? EMPTINESS. I was running away from my Home in Him.
Some of you may be familiar to with the story of Jonah and the whale. Please don’t think that God just sent a whale out of no where to swallow Jonah. Jonah was like us. God told him to go one way and Jonah went the other direction because he was trying to run from God. (Insert: How are we going to run from God when He sees everything? Lol. He made the universe, He knows every hiding place, every drink, every type of weed, and every being we’ve ever thought about sleeping with). To make a long story short, God sends this wind over the sea, Jonah becomes a sacrifice to calm the winds, and gets swallowed by the whale. It took Jonah being in the whale for three days and three nights to realize that He couldn’t outrun God. And even though God didn’t like Jonah running, He had to put Him in a place where He could only focus His attention on Him.
Could it be that God just wants our attention? Other than tithes and offering God doesn’t want your money. He doesn’t want your clothes. He just wants YOU. He wants us to be so focused on Him that we won’t look at our problems with stress, but with excitement because of the big and powerful God we serve. He wants us to stop running away from Home. Because His Home is so safe and secure. It’s not always the most emotionally comfortable – but who wants complacency anyway?
So my challenge to you and to myself is to stop running from Him. He wants your WHOLE heart. He wants more time with you than the 1 minute prayer you do before bed. He wants to be your friend and confidant. He wants to be in RELATIONSHIP with you. He loves you.
P.S. If you ever want to talk or pray, please feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I would LOVE to hear from you and intercede of your behalf.