If there is anything I learned in college outside of the classroom, it’s been to cherish who I really am. So many broken people walk around on college campuses longing for the weekend because they can’t stand who they are during the week. So many broken people longing to get in clubs or organizations or majors in hopes that it will begin to define who they are supposed to be. So fearful that who they are is who they are supposed to be. So fearful that if they took off the mask the crowd their with won’t accept them anymore. Because it’s cool that they can help them, comfort them, drink with them, sleep with them, and send beautiful good morning messages – but it’s not “cool” to give up the pieces of yourself that leave you vulnerable.
Over the past few days I really had to reflect on what it means to be vulnerable. Can I suggest that your vulnerability is your truth? It’s the part of you that can’t be masked. It’s the part of you that you don’t want to share because you equate it to you getting hurt. So you enjoy giving the easy parts of yourself. Your small talk. Your “fun” side. Your giving side. You would rather immerse yourself in doing things that keep you busy, than unpacking the things that hold you hostage. You get offended when people talk about it so you just block them out. You would rather be comfortable in your fears, than letting God give you the grace to diminish them. But by doing so you attract people who either a) don’t really want you, but that don’t question you or b) people that don’t care about your purpose, they just enjoy the present of your presence in their life.
But how do you unpack? GOD. There isn’t some algorithm I can give you that will immediately work it all out. He’s the only One who can unpack you. He’ll give you the grace to do it, but you have to accept. It took me a while to unpack my hurt. I still have a few suitcases left. But, if I continued on the path I was on, I would have continued to toxify every relationship I was in. I would have continued to be insincere in the way I interacted with people that were close to me. I would have continued to hurt myself more than others because I wasn’t being who God called me to be. I was living a life that felt safe, but I needed to get out of my comfort zone to see how uncomfortable I truly was before. I’m not saying give your heart to anybody, I’m saying give it to God and He’ll ordain your steps so the right people (or person) will have it.
I love you and so does He,