Truth Is… I’m Selfish

“Harden their hearts of these people. Plug their ears and shut their eyes. That way, they will not see with their eyes, nor hear with their ears, nor understand with their hearts and turn to me for healing”

“God I really, really, really want this. I know you’ll come through in the clutch with this. I’m qualified and 2016 is my year. Why wouldn’t I get accepted? I have this, this, this, etc” This is what my prayers looked like three weeks ago. I asked God over and over and over again. But what happens when God doesn’t come in clutch the way you want Him to? What happens when the very thing you thought you really wanted doesn’t come true? Or when you see what you prayed for coming into fruition for other people? What happens when you’re forced to be honest and say you were only really praying as hard as you were because you wanted that thing more than you wanted God?

Last night I came across this Scripture through a devotional I read all the time (click me!) and God gave me so much revelation. For years my prayers were for things. Even if I said I really wanted God and to see His face and go further into worship, I wanted it for selfish reasons.  I prayed hard because I wanted God to bless me like crazy. And I thought my seeking Him would give me the outcome I wanted. And for some time it “worked”. But then it didn’t work so much lol. God wanted to mature me and He started with my desires.

Sometimes I think we use scripture “Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4) to our own intent. Why are you taking delight in the Lord? Do you just want a man and you think that by praying every night God will put him in your life? (Because foreal foreal, how are you going to seek God for the man you’re praying for and you only know the God for His blessings and not His heart or the true intent of His Word?). Or because you want that job, that opportunity, that acceptance letter? But it’s time out for us seeking God for things. He’s SOOOO much bigger than the blessings we receive.

And to do that He shuts us off from the things we want or the things we enjoy. Things stop flowing like they used to.. Not because God doesn’t enjoy seeing you happy, but He wants you to stop going through the motions of saying you love Him and treating Him like your personal genie. Take time out of your day just to sit and talk to Him. Not rant. But to tell Him you love Him. To dive into a devotional with your phone on the other side of the room. To dissect His Word, not for any return other than a stronger relationship with Him. Jesus was way too selfless for us to be selfish.

I love you and so does He,

Cherise Nicole ❤

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